I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
