I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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