You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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