I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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