She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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