eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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