I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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