How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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