How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
