I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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