He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
