I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
