I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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