I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
