Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
