I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
40s are totally the cure
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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