covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
