he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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