i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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