I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
