She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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