beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
