Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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