Acid is not a monday night drug
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
