once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
