Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
