I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
