Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
