I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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