her vagine was all disorganized.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
