in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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