can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
