oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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