how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize