yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
