I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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