Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
