On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
