i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
