i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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