even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
