look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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