on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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