So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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