you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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