Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
is it fun? or sober?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
