At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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