When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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