It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
