I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
