i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
