Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
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craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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