He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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