Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
