Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
