I will die if light touches me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
