I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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